Dark Paradise

And there’s no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won’t leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
-Lana Del Rey <3

-- AND HOW ITS KILLING ME :/

— it’s hard when you don’t know what
causes your sadness ,
but it’s even harder when you know
what makes you happy
but you can’t do anything to have it :(

Quote

“
dear heart, please stop loving him
dear brain, please stop thinking of him
dear fingers, please don’t be tempted to text him
dear eyes, please refrain from crying
dear ears, please stop listening to your fave song
you’re killing me

”

story about him

DIA itu sahabat gue. pertamanya dia ngejauhin gue gatau kenapa tuh dia bener2 ngejauhhhh bener2 udah ga kenal siapa dia sebenernya.. sampe 1 bulan lamanya dia ngejauhin gue... cuma disini ada cewe yg kaya ngedeketin dia.. malahan bisa gantiin posisi gue OH NO!! gue jadi jijik sama dia, gamau deket2 sama tu cewe.... gue ga ngerti kenapa.. pasti kalo ada tu cewe dia tuh cepet banget bales mentionnya.. kalo di kelas dia tuh di jadiin nomer 1 deh yg paling di tanggepin.. jadi gue kan BENCI.. sahabat sendiri malah ngeboongin gue.. akhirnya gue tau dia kenapa... sumpah perasaan gue plong banget dan bener2 lega ternyata ada cewe yang dia suka... dan bener itu siapa.. cewe yg tadi sampe gue jijik sama dia.. ya walaupun agak sebel sama dia.. ya gue seneng aja bisa jadi gue yang dulu.. BEBAS

Feel

Hi im cornelia. Long time to write in here again. Ok first i'll wrote a little my story.

    Im so tired to continued this life again, cause i thing NOBODY'S can hear my story. My parents? HUH?!!!! they didn't care what i feel right now. They ALWAYS judge me and that's why im not believe them. I just have 3 closed friend, they name is Lena, Ditya, and Angel. They always beside me but i cant told them what i felt right now.. cause it's so hard to tell. I just can cry cry and crying again untill im tired to crying. In this world  i just had 2 special person in my life... but now i just had 1. He's died because cancer :'(. I JUST HAD ONE! and 1, we're cant met cause our distance.. :'( so.. im alone in the ZONK WORLD! Live in here like i lived in the hell! it's so hard for me but i always forgive them who always make me mad, always judge me, and always getting me HURT, everything! yeah! im tired to forgive them but i have no chooice!! i dont know what i have to do.. GOD PLEASE.... im so tired to live in here again.... CAN YOU STOPPED IT? Give me more people who always beside me, can hear my story, and have a time for me... EVERYTIME I NEEDED!!!! yeah i have bestfriend he's name is agung i knew him since childhood. He's always protect me like my brother but now he's leave me alone JUST BECAUSE his girlfriend dislike me :'( oh God! can i had 1 person who always beside me??????????????????? My parents always judge me and said "you wrong"!! But they didnt know who i am... i always wrong in they eyes!! WHAT ARE YOU FEEL IF YOUR PARENTS NEVER HEAR YOU??? NEVER BESIDE YOU??? THEY ALWAYS JUDGE YOU!! SCREAM ON YOUR FACE, EGOIST, and THEY ALWAYS THING THEY KNOW WHO I AM.. BUT THEY  W R O N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday NIGHT ( 5 october 2012 )

Hari ini gue mau kerumahnya aisyah temen gue, kita janjiannya ke sekolah (yadika 5). gue jalan jam 2 kurang soalnya janjiannya jam 2. Aisyah rumahnya di deket alam sutera, kan lumayan jauh. gue berangkat ke yadika naik ojek, kebetulan dijalan gue ketemu sama rafly, dia ngeboncengin thia. gue tanya ke dia katanya ngumpulnya di sekolah aja padahal katanya dirumahnya angel. terus pas sampe di sekolah gue nungguin anak2 kan. ga lama gue nunggu akhirnya dateng juga tu bocah. gue nebeng motor temen gue "lena". temen2 gue yg ikut ada yugo, ibnu, dimas, louis, angle, ditya, fachrul citra, amira, thia, rafli, dwika, etc. Di mencong ada yg ngasih tau katanya ban motornya lena bocor. emang dr awal dia tuh jalannya ngebut banget sih orang disuruh berenti aja gue teriak2 dulu -__-. akhirnya lena mau ganti motor. berhubung kita nunggunya LAMA jadinya kita aja yg nyamperin. padahal ga begitu jauh. yaudah berhubung lena ganti motor gue jadi nebeng sama dimas cuma sampe Taman Mutiara. yaudah udah ketemu sama lena gue neebeng lagi di motornya lena padahal lena tuh bawanya cuma 20km/jam yang lain pada ngebut2. kita lewat graha raya. terus gue mau ngomongin tentang osis sama ditya. mau gamau nyamperin dia kan. padahal keadaan lagi macet, si lena juga ga ngebut. dia ga bisa ngendaliin motornya akhirnya kita jatoh. gue bingung soalnya gue ga jatoh.. gue malah diri -____- cuma lena yg nyungsep :'( terus pas mau bangun kaki dia kena mesin.. kan panas, dia teriak!! akhirnya lena dipingirin dulu kan. gue bingung lena yg jatoh sampe kakinya bengkak kenapa gue yg panik?!!! yaudah motornya lena dimas yg bawa, lena diboncengin ibnu, gue sama bimo -____-v. kita nyari2 rumahnya aisyah deh.. malah pake salah belok lagi.. pas sampe............... si lena dimas yang gotong ke dalem padahal kakinya dia juga lagi ada masalah.. kegeser juga tulangnya.. yaudah pada duduk2 dulu kan.. si lena pake nangis gue peluk :'( kasian dia.. terus ulang tahun gue sama aisyah kan beda 1 hari.. aisyah tgl 3 okt gue tanggal 4 okt alamat diceplokin gue.. padahal pas hari H gue ultah udah parah banget!! pake pupuk air telor muka gue diolesin sama kue tart SAMA KAKAK KELAS LAGI -_____- cuma pas di rumah aisyah pake terigu doang.. terus sampe lamaaaa banget ga pulang2 malah gue udah ga betah lagi terigu nempel semua dibadan :'( akhirnya pulangnya abis maghrib pada repot siapa yg nganterin gue balik kan.. gue kesel banget tuh disitu.. UNTUNGNYA ada DIMAS kaka gue yang paliiiinnnnggg baik.. dia kan gendut gue juga gendut motornya bebek YAALLAH TOLONG KASIAN BANGET TUH MOTORNYA.. cuma gapapa lah drpd gue ga balik -____- terus kita konvoi kan di perjalanan malah malem2  mau ujan lagu u,u. terus kita nganterin si lena dulu kan.. abis itu plann anak2 pada mau ke sevel karna ujan jadi gajadi deh. cuma gue gaikut dr awal jadinya dimas nganterin gue balik UNTUNGNYA rumahnya lena sama rumah gue ga jauh kan lumayan. pas di jalan ehhhhh ketemu sama mrs. ade :'( malah anak2 misah yang ada cuma gue sama dimas aja.. terus kan kita tegor malah lola lagi ngenalinnya -_____- terus pas nyampe komplek rumah gue kita tuh ngelewatin pasar malem *MASYALLAH :'( #pengenngakakguesumpah!!!! malah gerimis lagi parabet yak :'( untungnya dr rumah gue ga jauh terus pas sampe rumah gue langsung mandi abisnya gue gatel badan gue terigu semua.. kepala gue aja sampe bisa di kerok terigunya *kasian abis mandi karna cape akhirnya gue tidur deh END

My Feeling

No words i write can ever say how much I MISS YOU everyday...

As time goes by the loneliness.... NOBODY KNOWS...

I think  of you in silence...

I often speak your name...

But all i have are memorise and a photo in frame..

I NEVER stopped loving you..

I don't think i ever will...

Deep inside my heart...

You're with me still...

No one knows my sorrow...

No one sees me weep...

But the LOVE i have for YOU....

Is in my heart and mine to keep..

Heartaches in this world are many ..

But mine is worse than any..

My heart still aches as i whisper low..

I need you.. i miss you so.....

The things we feel so deeply, are often the hardest think to say....

But i just can't keep quite anymore...

So... i'll tell you anyway..

There is a place in my heart...

That no one can feel...

I LOVE YOU... and I ALWAYS WILL and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.........

thank you for the broken heart

Gue punya temen namanya agung kita ber dua tuh kenal udah lebih 11 tahun.. cuma masa gara gara cewe doang twitter gue sampe di block sama dia... salah gue apa coba.. padahal kemarennya dia masih ngasih unjuk jalan buat gue.. kita juga temenan kaya biasa aja.. cuma kenapa kok dia sampe nge block gue.. pengen marah marah sama dia gaenak soalnya dia anaknya temen bokap gue.. Gue kira abis ketemu sama dia kemaren gue jadi punya orang yang lebih ngertiin gue.. gue udah anggep dia sbg kaka kandung gue sendiri gue juga udah bilang sama dia.. cuma kenapa sekarang dia malah kaya gini!! kalo emang dia maunya kaya gitu.. NOW i just trying to desappear from his life FOREVER.. biarpun gue tau gue ga bisa... cuma bakalan gue coba.. i know it so HURT! and i won't cry just because HIM..

I… need. Inspiration.

I working my ass off to write a new story, real stuck on this one. maybe i make it hard to write a masterpiece, maybe it isn’t the right time. A stuck up Movie Writer, me.
i start to look back remembering the old feelings but it wasn’t enough, i’m a kind of person who likes to forget the past, maybe its the time to remember it from now and then.

a briliant idea comes from a pure inspiration.

to be inspired, yet, i don’t find anything that make me inspired. sometimes i just try the hard way… again, fyuuh.
maybe i will be like this,without any improvements -__-“:

 Don’t you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone!  - Inception (2010)
that word above, maybe its true. if you always think maybe you become one, you live not just about think but doing. doing what you love, thats how we live our life.

there are types of people, simple people or people who sometimes wanna make their life complicated and challenging.

I think, I’m one of the people who likes challenges. I love this Game:

I love this game,it provided ways to kill your target, its your option, either you wanna make it easy, or make it hard but cool killing.
Just like this game, the higher the level the higher the stakes. thats something that keep me got thrilled. and when i got passed the hard level, I’m satisfied, but looking for more harder level. I will be like a wild animal that is hungry and seeking prey.

Just like life, the great challenges in your life and you overcome it by yourself, you will get satisfied,and seeking for greater Challenges.

Thats all for today’s life sharing.
With Love,
Cornelia A.W.

I'm Gonna Miss You

  Hey Boy, I'm sad

I heard that you were leaving
You can't go, you're my best friend
I'm sure gonna miss you
I always think about you
All the time you're on my mind
We played together you and I
I can't believe that its true
Now I have to see you leave
You're the only one for me
My Boyfriend, my best friend
I don't wanna see you go
I just wanna let you know that
I have a crush on you
I can't wait no longer boy
To say what I feel
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
The first time that I saw you
I knew it from the very start
You had a place deep in my heart
I can't believe that it's true
Now it's time for you to leave
And Baby I just can't believe
My boyfriend, my best friend
I don't wanna see you go
I just wanna let you know that
I have a crush on you
I can't wait no longer boy
To say what I feel
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
You and me together
Boy, I'll wait forever
It's only the matter of time
Because  I never wanna see you go
I just wanna let you know
That I can't wait no longer boy
To say what I feel
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
I'm gonna miss you forever
I'm gonna miss you boy
Gonna miss you boy
I'm gonna miss
Gonna miss you...